31 wks- Eating

.

Yippee- 31 weeks today!

I was loading pictures onto my computer and noticed that in my last two bump pics I am wearing the same outfit, so you can really see the difference in just two weeks!

My cousin from Oakland, CA wanted to do something for us, so she hired an old high school friend who is a vegan chef to bring over a delicious meal...and OMG, she created such a wonderful meal! Mickey brought the meal over last night. We had a vegan pot pie:

an orzo/mediterranean pasta salad and cabbage/apple/peanut sauce salad:

and chocolate cupcakes with vegan butter-cream frosting topped with raspberries.

Sean and I are not even vegetarians, but this was unbelievable! Mickey doesn't have a website, but said if anyone in the Madison area is interested in having her cook, you can email her at flourishchef@gmail.com. She does free consults and can help you with meal planning for any dietary restrictions. She does the shopping and can cook at her place or yours! 

I was worried that being on bed rest would make me balloon to an even more enormous size...but with fat. My doctors said actually its usually the opposite that occurs in women on bed rest. Appetites are more suppressed because of inactivity and the muscles deteriorate (boo) so women gain less weight on bed rest. I eat about the same amount of food I ate before the pregnancy, maybe a little less. The difference is that I try to eat a lot of fiber, protein and greens...and baked goods...and milkshakes. Hey- nobody is perfect. My intake of beer and tequila is obviously nonexistent too, so I figure I can drink all the mint milkshakes I want. A McDonalds was just built down the road and it so happens to be Shamrock Shake season...but nothing can compare to Culver's mint shakes.

Speaking of size, I complained about being fat the other day and Sean said he doesn't understand why pregnant women feel fat...its actually a PERSON inside of you. I appreciate the support, but my pants definitely don't fit like they used to! I wore Sean's boxers the other day and noticed they were tight on me. It is also just a funny feeling to not fit through spaces I normally could. I was trying to walk past the open fridge door yesterday and realized I was roadblocked in a space I could easily slip through normally. I turned to the side to slide by, only to remember my profile is even wider! Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my large size, because every inch means more growth and development for Baby Moore.

Now all this talk is making me want a milkshake. I think I might need a Culver's stop on the way home from our doctor's appointment this afternoon! 

30 wks 2 days- Nursery

We have our nursery pretty put together at this point, minus the little accessories. It's a very tiny room, but just the right size for one tiny person! Here are some pics:

My Mom painted the walls/ceiling and did an amazing job! She also made the curtains (soooo crafty). Sean's Mom bought us the crib. The igloo on the table lights up and projects snowflakes on the walls. The beautiful blanket on the chair was knit by Sean's Aunt Shel.

The adorable polar bear family. I absolutely LOVE the little guy poking his head through the hole! See the rainbow? I have a crystal hanging in the window that my friend Lisa gave me after our miscarriage last year to help remind me that our little girl will always mean something special to me. Every morning the crystal projects rainbows all over the room and it is a nice symbol of this baby's sister watching over him.

It's hard to tell in this picture, but many of the clouds are in the shape of different objects. A family in a canoe is in the bottom right corner. What else can you spot?

My rocking chair overlooks the cemetery for a gorgeous view- haha. Actually it really is a nice tree-laden scene. I am so happy with the rocker we ordered, and can't wait to sit for hours feeding, reading and rocking my little one to sleep.

The wall hanging is of a mother and baby polar bear that Sean's grandma Elma (who passed away last year) made for me for Christmas a few years ago. It fits perfectly in the room!

It is so exciting to have the nursery all decorated. The dresser/changing table and a bookshelf are in the hallway, so we have a little room in the nursery for more toys/necessities. Every morning I go in the room and sit and look out the window for a few minutes before I go downstairs to lay in "Couch Command Central" for the day. This is definitely my favorite space in the house!

30 wks- Shower

Today we reached 30 weeks! This is one of the best milestones we have reached so far. From day one of our drama, we have said that making it to 30 weeks was our main goal. It feels so good to be here at 30 weeks now and hopeful for many more weeks of growth.

We waved goodbye to the weeks of 20's by having our first baby shower. My sister-in-law and mother-in-law hosted it and it was such a fun time! Guests all decorated onesies for Baby Moore to wear.

My mom made a delicious chocolate polar bear cake and adorable baby-face cookies (Joanne Kreuger helped a lot with the cookies...wine may have been involved).

All of the food was DELICIOUS!

Sean even got a present! 

Sweet Baby Boy clothes!

We had such a great time seeing and visiting with everyone. Thank you to all who made it to the party (we missed those of you who couldn't make it), and especially big thanks to Clare and Carol for hosting! 

29 wks 4 days- Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I have always had a love/hate relationship with this "holiday." As a girl who was single all through high school and only had useless boyfriends through college, I became bitter. I swore that when I finally did have a boyfriend; someone who would bring me flowers and chocolates and take me on dates, I would never take it for granted. I would never complain that the flowers weren't big enough or the chocolates weren't fancy enough.

Now I have a valentine. He is my absolute perfect valentine. However, I still don't like to make a huge deal about Valentine's Day so as not to rub it in the faces of those who aren't as lucky as I am today.

We do have a date planned tonight though. We will have a simple dinner at a fancy restaurant (Our Couch). Then we will get in...the...car and get milkshakes from the Culvers drive-through! I am so excited because so far I have only left the house for doctor's appointments for the past 10 weeks, so this is a big deal.

My mom brought Lucy down for the weekend. After dropping Lucy off this afternoon she went on to spend the night with a handfull (shall we call them a gaggle) of her sisters. Sean and I are very excited to have Lucy back home with us for a few days. We sure missed her a lot!

Lucy's Valentine from 2012

We had some excitement today. Sean's alarm went off at the usual time, he crawled out of bed and went downstairs to put the kettle on to brew coffee...where he found a dry kitchen faucet. He soon realized all of our faucets are dry. You probably know where I'm going with this...our pipes froze last night. Thank God we don't own our house, so a quick call to my Uncle (Landlord) started the ball rolling. I had many male visitors all afternoon and now we are back on! 

Apparently Monona residents are supposed to leave a faucet running all day until the spring thaw. The city workers had to come thaw the pipe. Luckily, they took less than an hour and said the past few houses they have worked on took four hours a piece. The frost line has reached four feet deep at this point, which is crazy! Lesson of the day: If the city says to run your water...run your water.

29 wks 2 days

Today I got some awesome snuggle-time with little Nolan, Sarah Roger's four week old sweetie-pie. Sarah and I had lunch and a good chat while Nolan slept on my shelf-of-a-stomach. I miss holding babies, so it was a nice baby fix for me!

I told Nolan I am cooking up a friend for him, you can tell how excited he is. My baby, however,was a little more active...kicking Nolan repeatedly. Again...you can see how upset Nolan was about it.

29 wks 1 day- Pity Party

Today I feel some jealousy. I noticed a pregnant friend is on a tropical "babymoon" in Mexico. That is a relatively new term meaning a last-hurrah vacation before baby comes. Sean and I have traditionally taken a tropical vacation every winter and canoe camping trip every summer. We were excited to take a babymoon this January to Hawaii. Months ago, I okayed the trip with my OB. After a minor bleeding scare at 11 weeks on a trip to Kansas, I changed my mind and decided flying for eight hours each way made me too nervous. We changed our plan to NYC, one of our favorite destinations. I hounded Sean about buying the plane tickets the day before being put on bed rest...thankfully he procrastinated! So the farthest we will be heading until DD (delivery day) is West Madison. We live in SE Madison. We joke about loading up the car for our big trip to the west side when we go to Sean's Mom's house, but it is sad to not get that last purely selfish and carefree vacation.

On the beach in Nassau, Bahamas last February

I have tried to stay positive through this experience. Many people have even commented to me that they are impressed by my positive attitude. I say "thank you" but point out that they are seeing me when I'm happy. I still break down and get sad every once in a while. Obviously I'm not going to post on Facebook about crying because I can't go skiing, arrange the nursery or even drive myself to the dentist, because that's not what Facebook is for...it's for giving a falsely-positive spin on your life so that the people you went to high school with but haven't seen in 15 years think everything is awesome.

My plan from the first day of bed rest was to not wish this time to fly by, but to use the time to my advantage. My mom asked if I could be put into a deep sleep and woken when bed rest is over, would I do it, and I immediately said "No." I would miss out on 4-5 months of life, even if that life is on the couch. (Sean might like a break from me for a bit though! Haha) I want to use this time to my advantage and learn new skills, organize my life and relax before everything changes.

Ice skating on Lake Monona a few years ago 

When I am feeling down I think about how much I actually miss working. I miss taking care of the babies and their families, being challenged and honing my skills at deliveries and with sick babies and seeing my coworkers every day. I also miss driving to Target to wander the aisles...buying useless crap and excessive (but adorable) baby gear. I miss cleaning my house the way I like it, as much as I like to while organizing and rearranging things. I miss cooking (just kidding, I don't cook!) I do miss going out for brunch on the weekend with Sean though. I miss jogging and even walking to the end of the driveway to get the mail. and I miss Lucy A LOT. So yes, I am positive, but sometimes the rose-tinted glasses get blurred with tears of frustration. I'm certainly not writing this to make people feel sorry for me (I get plenty of pity already). I'm writing this for the other bed ridden mamas that may read this, to see that even when you have a positive mental attitude, bed rest still sucks. A friend who just went through a traumatic pregnancy and long NICU journey gave me these wise words,

"It's a long journey, but we have our comfortable shoes on."

I have always felt that I may not have control over what happens to me in life, but I do have every bit of control over my reaction and perspective. As a child, my parents taught me that there is always someone who has it better than me and there is always someone who has it worse than me. I love that philosophy because it makes you strive to have better while being thankful you don't have the worst. Every week we have stayed pregnant I have stayed positive by remembering how lucky I am that I am still pregnant, compared to all the women who have preemies in the NICU, or have lost their babies.

On the other hand, I still get horribly jealous of the pregnant women who have it "better," and take for granted that they can do whatever they want while pregnant. Women who can still work, saving their PTO for when they have a baby to take care of. Women who can grocery shop and run errands so their husbands don't have to do everything on top of two jobs and a college class. Women who complain about pregnancy symptoms while so many women would love more than anything to feel those symptoms because it means they are carrying their own child.

After our miscarriage last year my body yearned with desperation to be pregnant, and I swore that I would NEVER take a day for granted when I was pregnant again. I still feel that it is an important and powerful thing to remember and even when I am bored and watching the clock tick closer to another day's gestation, I never take for granted that I have a little life inside of me. Every kick and tickle this guy gives me makes me so joyous, like he's reminding me that he's still in there and I just need to hang in there until I get to meet him.

Lucy pic of the day- All ready for our canoe trip (last summer)! She is sporting a bug net on her head and sturdy hiking boots for portages. You can really tell how excited she is, she can't even keep her eyes open.

28 wks 6 days- doctor's appointment

Late updating...but only good news here! We had our latest doctor's appointment on Friday afternoon and it really couldn't have gone better. We started by having our ultrasound. Baby boy is getting bigger and fitting in much snugger for sure! He was not a big fan of the ultrasound this time and spun around constantly through the whole thing. Sean and I kept laughing at the huge kicks you could see on my abdomen. Unfortunately, he didn't cooperate for pictures because of this. The tech even took out the 3-d probe, but every time she would take a picture, he would move suddenly or hold his arm in front of his face. We did get one picture that has a big shadow over his mouth like a mustache (of course), BUT it has a very clear image of Baby's nose, which looks identical to Sean's! I don't want to post the new pictures since they didn't turn out, but here is an older 3-d pic to give you a look at how he's filling out.

Baby Moore at 24 wks (facing left)

Dr. S. came in the room to look at the pics of the baby and my cervix and everything was pretty good. My cervix is definitely shorter than last time, but he said this is expected because I am in my 3rd trimester. He even said he doesn't want to check the length anymore, because it'll just stress me out to see how short it is getting, and we are in a much safer zone for delivery at this point. So, we may not see any more pictures of the baby until he is born! We still will go to appointments every two weeks, but he will just do an external check of my cervix from now on. I asked Dr. S. about birthing classes and he said at this point (knock on wood) we can expect a relatively normal delivery experience. Of course then I asked if I can be more active and he told me not to get ahead of myself...28 wks still has a lot of risk factors. All right, I'll keep lying on "couch command central" for the next 7-10 weeks (hopefully). 

As for my physical health, I have been more uncomfortable and was concerned that my stitches were pulling and stretching. Dr. S. said that actually they probably are, and it is VERY common for anyone with a cerclage to complain about those same pains in the 3rd trimester. It made me feel so much better to hear that. I will just keep track of my sporadic contractions and definitely go in if there is severe pain or bleeding. Dr. S. has such a great bedside manner and reassures me about all of my aches, pains and worries.

Now our goal is to get all the way through the pregnancy so that the baby doesn't need to go to the NICU at all, and we are REALLY getting closer...one day at a time!

28 wks 3 days- Fappy

So I am starting the 7th month of pregnancy, and definitely look it. On the Ellen Degeneres show today, Channing Tatum self-described his new look as "Fappy- fat and happy." I personally think Channing is superbly good-looking, fappy or not. I also really like the term and am now embracing it.

Fappy Mali

When Sean took this photo, he snapped the pic, looked at the image on the camera screen, paused and said "WOW." I looked at it myself and said, "Was that WOW, you are huge?" and he just smiled.

As I've never been THIS pregnant before, I don't know if this is just third trimester-normal or if the baby is going through a growth spurt. The past couple of days have kept me busy...eating. Yesterday I woke up a couple of hours before Sean's alarm, and was so hungry I had to eat my emergency granola bar from my bedside table. 

28 wks 2 days...looking back at 23 weeks

I mentioned earlier that we were readmitted to the hospital during the 23rd week. Here is that story.

We had been going to the clinic every week to check that my cervix was staying closed. For the first few weeks after the stitches were put in, my cervix was measuring about 3.5 cm closed. The stitches are at about 1 cm, so it was very good that I was closed beyond the stitches.

This image is a good example of the what I'm talking about when I mention the length of the cervix.

When we got to the clinic I was planning on telling Dr. S. about how I had been having back pain for the past day. It felt like when I had kidney stones and since I had been just lying in bed for a month, I thought that seemed like a possibility. Another possibility was that my back muscles tightened from being stagnant.

While we were having the ultrasound, I watched the measurements and noticed that my cervix was shorter than before, about 2.5 cm. then I had a sharp back pain. My back must be uncomfortable from the table, I thought. Suddenly we watched as my amniotic fluid bulged down through my cervix all the way down to the stitches, like a balloon filling up. I knew this was not good, but really didn't have any idea what was happening. Dr. S. came in the room, looked through the pictures and explained that I was contracting and we caught one on ultrasound. He moved us to an exam room to do a vaginal cervical check to see how things were externally. Luckily, things on the outside were still good and stable. Dr. S. said it was time to make the decision if and when we would rescue the baby if he is born. He left us alone for a couple of minutes, but we had already discussed this and quickly concurred that 23 1/2 weeks (where we were) was when we would give him a chance to fight. He had been measuring 5-7 days ahead of our dates the whole pregnancy, so he was in a better position than most 23 1/2 weekers.

This however, is the tricky part as a NICU nurse. I always thought I would not do anything until 24 weeks. Statistically, 23 weekers have a looong road. Lucky families take their beautiful babies home, but even they have 3-4 months AT LEAST of NICU care, and often fight infections, bleeding in the brain, surgeries, organ damage from IV nutrition, and countless other battles. Most 23 week preemies fight a hard battle and then don't make it to see two weeks of life. Why would I subject this sweet baby to such a road, when his chance of even surviving is very low?

Because I'm his Mom.

Baby Moore at 22 wks 4 days

I guess that's what it comes down to. I will forever be more compassionate to parents dealing with micro-preemies after this road we've traveled. We are so thankful that we have personally gotten past the micro-preemie stage in-utero, but I now have a better understanding of the love that drives parents to save babies who have such a small chance of surviving.

But I digress...Dr. S. admitted us to the antepartum unit for the second time. They monitored me for contractions and gave me another round of Indomethacin to relax my uterus. 30 minutes after my loading (first) dose, I had my last back pain. This indicates that the medicine worked. I also got two shots of a steroid called Betamethazone, which helps to develop baby's lungs if he would be born in the next two weeks. The shot in my butt was really thick and after a couple of minutes it burned down my leg. I've never complained about shots in general, but this one is definitely worse than Tetanus!

The hospital stay seemed a lot easier than the first. We had a routine, and thanks to the glorious night nurse, Sean had a cot to sleep on. I think both Sean and I were at peace with the fact that we were doing absolutely everything we could, and if he would be born now, it was out of our hands. We had a lot of visitors again, but after a particularly busy afternoon of a continuous stream of visitors I started to have cramping and pressure that warranted monitoring that showed uterine irritation and a visit/exam from the Resident. At that point we realized we need to reduce stimulation and limit visits.

Sean and I struggled with that (and still do) because although we know our friends want to visit to help, we feel bad saying no and instead end up feeling overwhelmed by helpers and visitors. Don't get me wrong, we truly appreciate everyone that has visited, called, texted and brought us so many delicious meals, pretty flowers and fun activities! It is a strange and lucky problem to have...too much LOVE :) Please do not be offended if at some point we ask you not to come, we are trying to do our best for the baby's physical health and our mental health.

A highlight of our hospital stay was reaching the glorious milestone of 24 weeks. In the NICU, when a baby reaches a milestone (such as weighing 3 pounds, reaching their due date or taking their first breaths without a ventilator) we make a crafty sign for the family. My buddies on the night shift made us a milestone card that my nurse brought in to me with my morning meds. Pregnancy hormones or not...that support made me tear up. I love my coworkers :)

28 wks

BIG day for us today! Why you ask?

1. We are into the next week-28, which is always exciting.

2. I have officially entered the third trimester, a place I dreamed but doubted I'd make it to.

3. Baby Moore has surpassed the label of "micro-preemie."

What am I doing to celebrate?

1. A big ol' NAP. A nurse at the hospital suggested that I try not to sleep during the day so that I am still tired at night. The past few days I have still been tired during the day too, so I indulged. Hey, they say the third trimester makes you more tired right? 

2. Reading. I am in the middle of "The Art of Fielding" by Chad Harbach. I am not sold on it yet, but keep falling asleep after reading two sentences, so I gave it 2 hours (including cat naps) today. Jury is still out, but I never give up on a book.

3. Watching the Bachelor. Go ahead...judge me. I'm not ashamed :) I look forward to making fun of the desperation every week.

4. Listening to Harvest Moon. I try to play music every day for the baby. I don't have any idea how loud it would need to be for him to hear, but I like to think I'm introducing him to good music early on. I obviously benefit from the music too. I am on a Harvest Moon kick, its such a sweet lullaby song. Other favorites include Mumford and Sons, James Taylor, Jason Mraz and Adele. The baby seems to kick more when I sing along. As I am certain he is not trying to say "Mom, you have a beautiful voice," I think he may be trying to escape the horrible noise he is being subjected to.

5. A cocktail. Just kidding! Just lots of water, water and more water!

I love that every Monday we switch to the next week of gestation. It's like a birthday, but happens EVERY week! I get texts, calls and Facebook messages with congratulations. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something so great. Don't get me wrong, what is happening inside of me is magical and essential for Baby Moore's life, but I can't claim to be doing anything. That might be one of the hardest emotional aspects of bed rest, grasping that what I NEED to do... is nothing. I am a doer, I am a fixer, I am a very active person. It is hard to have a tangible problem that requires me to stay lying down. Sometimes I think this would be easier if I had a task, but instead I need to do the opposite. Thank God for Sean, who reminds me daily that this is for our son, not me. I will do anything (or nothing, as it may be) for this little boy, and so will Sean. He proves this daily but especially today with my VERY embarrassing Walgreens list he is filling. I won't tell you whats on the list, but those who have been pregnant know...pregnancy is a "beautiful" i.e. not-sexy AT ALL, experience :) 

Lucy pic of the day- She's ready to take on the Quetico! (or a nap)