27 wks 1 day...Looking back at week 20

Today marks 27 weeks, 1 day pregnant. Most pregnant women at this point feel like their pregnancy is starting to be real. Registries are started and signing up for birthing classes is on the agenda. Dads to be begin to do more work around the house, perhaps?

For my husband Sean and I, this is a time we only dreamed we would make it to. We are so lucky to still be pregnant right now and keep praying to whoever will listen for just one more day of Baby Cooking. My "Dad-to-be" has been doing everything around the house for the past 7 weeks. 

Our story starts way before all of this craziness began, and we all know I love to digress, but this chapter of our lives, known as Operation Keep Baby Moore in Utero (O.K.B.M.I.O.) began at exactly 20 weeks. 

After working all weekend in the NICU, Sean and I went in first thing Monday morning for our 20 week ultrasound. We already knew our baby is a boy, but were so excited to see how big he was. I was particularly nervous about finding things wrong with him, however I felt pretty good about this appt and had been excited all weekend.

The ultrasound tech brought us in the dark room and began measuring. Everything looked great and she kept explaining what she was measuring and why he was perfect. He was big- (13 oz), his spine looked great and he even swallowed while we were watching him, so we saw the amniotic fluid pass down his throat. then...he sucked his thumb! He is truly adorable, all 13 oz of him! The tech then left the room to get Dr. D. 

The Dr. looked at the pictures, complimented his good looks ;) then said, "Hmm, I see what you mean." (Insert record-screeching sound here) I knew this was bad, WHAT do you mean??? She looked at me and said, "It looks like your cervix is open. I need to do an exam with the speculum to see how bad it is." Bile rose up my throat as I took my pants off and sat under the sterile white sheet, my stomach still sticky from u/s lube. I looked at Sean through burning eyes (no tears yet) and said, "This is not good. Its way too early." He knew already though.

The Dr. returned and inserted the speculum. A quick look was enough to diagnose the problem, "Can I show Sean," she asked. Sean looked and saw not only my open cervix, but bulging bag of amniotic fluid hanging through. She closed my legs back up and looked at me with that death/sympathy look and explained that this is pretty much the end of the road. We would TRY to put a cerclage (pursestring stitches in the cervix) in, but there wasn't much hope, it is very bad. I felt in shock. I was so angry and maybe sad, I couldn't believe after all we've been through that this was IT. The worst part was that our baby boy was perfect, growing, developing and kicking, but we were still going to lose him. Sean's reaction was to hyperventilate when he heard the news. He started to faint as the u/s tech and doctor grabbed him and put him on the exam table, pushing me into the corner, sheet wrapped around my waist. He came to and they brought us to another exam room to speak with Dr. S., who would do our surgery. As I walked away with the nurse, I turned to look at Dr. D, and she was nodding her head at the tech, the unmistakable look of being sorry to see a family lose a baby. 

In the exam room, Dr. S. gave us the rundown for the day and told us there was a 50% chance he would break my water during the surgery, and even less chance of getting the stitches in, but he was going to do his absolute best. He called this his "Hail Mary Pass," but it gave us a ray of hope at least. I would be under general anesthesia so I wouldn't make any movements, the rest of the day I would be in trendelenburg position (head below feet lying in bed) with a catheter and iv in all day in my antepartum room. I would get 48 hours of both antibiotics to prevent the amniotic fluid from becoming infected and Indomethacin to relax my uterus and prevent contractions. My sister-in-law Clare stopped by our house to pick up some necessities and came to sit with us and wait. A chaplain came in and offered to give the baby a blessing, to which we said, "Well, that can't hurt. We would appreciate it!" She laid her hands on my belly and said a prayer for our little guy. 

About 8 hours later, they were ready to take me to surgery. Sean and Clare came with me all the way to the Operating Room. Saying goodbye was hard, I tried to be strong, but tears were streaming down my face as they wheeled me into the freezing cold room. I prayed every moment that this would work, but knew that this may be the end for our little boy. My water could be broken and it's just too early for him to survive. I was so glad that Clare was with Sean, as he was probably more upset than I was, and he wasn't getting sedated in the next couple of minutes. As the anesthesia was being pushed into my iv I laid still, waiting for the meds to take over, and the nurse came to me, looked me in the eyes and held my hand. It was a tiny act of kindness, but I will never forget that. 

I came to in the recovery room as people bustled around me. Dr. S. came in to tell me how things went, and he said he initially didn't think he'd be able to get the stitch but drained 1.5 L of fluid off of me and "shook my cervix like a knapsack!" My amniotic sac slipped back into my uterus and he was able to carefully place not one but two stitches! Sean said when he told him the news he looked like he had just won the super bowl. Several people we have run into since that night that were in the room for the procedure have told us how lucky we are that it worked as well as it did. Believe me, we are thankful. 

So that was day one...and now we are 7 weeks further along! Sean told Dr. S. the other day that we are getting greedy now and just want more and more time. 

He smiled and responded, "Me too."